


let my walls come down

by empressearwig



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressearwig/pseuds/empressearwig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonnie and Jeremy have sex for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let my walls come down

**Author's Note:**

> For torigates. Thanks to summerstorm for the beta. Spoilers through 2x09, "Katerina."

Jeremy's the one that brings up sex. Well, it's not so much that he brings it up, so much as he does his best to force the issue without saying anything directly. Bonnie can feel him testing the boundaries every time they make out, pushing a little bit further, trying to see if maybe this will be the time that she doesn't stop him.

She always stops him.

And he does his best to act like he's okay with it, immediately cooling things off, taking a step back until they're in a place where she's comfortable, but she knows that he's getting frustrated. _She's_ getting frustrated. For what might be the first time in her life, Bonnie has a boyfriend that makes her so happy she doesn't quite know what to do with herself, but for whatever reason, she's not letting herself take the next logical step.

She needs to figure out why.

***

Normally this would be the type of thing that Bonnie would go to Elena with, but since Bonnie needs to talk about maybe having sex with Elena's brother, she doesn't really think that it's a conversation either of them want to have any part of. She goes to Caroline instead.

When Bonnie knocks on Caroline's door, she thinks Caroline looks almost surprised to see her there. That's her fault, Bonnie knows that. But Caroline recovers quickly and says, "Bonnie, hey!," with a wide smile on her face, which is just like Caroline. She takes a step back in silent invitation. "Did you want to come in?"

Bonnie nods and comes inside. Caroline shuts the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" Caroline asks, with a worried look on her face. "Is it --"

"Jeremy wants to have sex," Bonnie blurts out, not able to stop herself. She cringes. She really didn't mean to just say it like that.

Caroline blinks in surprise. "Not about Elena then. Well, of course he does. He's a boy."

"Caroline!" Bonnie wants to stamp her foot on the ground in frustration. Or sink into it in mortification. This is why she would have had this conversation with Elena, she thinks. Elena wouldn't have made her actually say it out loud, Elena would have just _known_.

Caroline's eyes go wide and Bonnie sees the realization kick in. "Wait -- you've never --"

Bonnie cuts her off. "Yes."

"Oh," Caroline says, shock laced through her voice. "Oh."

Bonnie has to laugh, this is all completely ridiculous. "Caroline, I was hoping for something besides 'oh'." She reaches out to touch Caroline's arm, something she's rarely done since Caroline became a vampire. "Please."

Caroline looks down and her eyes go soft and Bonnie can tell how much a simple touch means to her. "Right," Caroline says, snapping to attention. "Well, for this, I think we need alcohol and lots of it. Come on."

She starts down the hall and Bonnie trails after her, the knot that was in her stomach starting to untwist itself. She's not sure why she feels better, she just knows that she does. She follows Caroline into her bedroom and waits while Caroline disappears again, flopping down on her bed, the way she's done a thousand times before. She wishes this were one of those thousand other times.

"Here we go!" Caroline announces, sailing back into her bedroom with a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses in hand. She sets them down on her dresser and pours two shots, passing one of them to Bonnie. "Drink up."

Bonnie wrinkles up her nose in disgust, but does it anyway. She's never liked drinking all that much. She doesn't like losing control. She watches Caroline take her shot and then another. "I think this conversation is going to be a lot more awkward for me than for you," she points out.

Caroline shrugs, making an apologetic face. "The cravings -- it helps --" She stops and waves a hand through the air. "But you don't want to hear about that." She drops down onto the bed and reaches out to squeeze Bonnie's hand. "So tell me. What happened?"

Bonnie hesitates, looking down at the floor. She's not even sure where to start. She doesn't have any idea how to explain what she's thinking and feeling. "It's not any one thing," she says, her fingers twisting in Caroline's comforter. "But every time we make out lately, I can feel him getting more frustrated when I want to stop. He always does," she hurries to add at the look on Caroline's face. "He acts like it's not a big deal, but well, I know that he doesn't want to. Stop, I mean."

"What he wants isn't important," Caroline says. She stops Bonnie's fingers with her own and Bonnie looks up at her. "What you want is. Do you want to have sex with him?"

"I don't know," Bonnie says, biting her lip. She lifts one of her shoulders in a gesture of confusion. "Maybe? I don't know," she says again. "I really like him, Caroline."

"Well, duh," Caroline says, a small grin creeping onto her face. "You should see the two of you together, it's kind of insanely obvious."

Bonnie can't help but smile back. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Caroline confirms. She makes a face. "It's actually sort of depressing for those of us who don't currently have adorable boys worshiping at our feet."

"He does not worship at my feet."

Caroline nods. "He really does. And hey, totally unrelated, but I've wanted to ask. Is it weird? Him being Elena's brother, I mean. It seems like it would be really weird. It's just -- he's Jeremy. Annoying, bratty, eavesdropping Jeremy."

Bonnie shakes her head with a laugh. "It's not weird. Which actually is weird, but not like that. I thought it would be. But it's not. He's still Jeremy, it's just --" she shrugs helplessly. She doesn't know how to explain it.

"Different," Caroline finishes. "I get it." She laughs a little herself, but it sounds harsher than Bonnie remembers Caroline's laugh being. "Believe me, I get different these days."

"Caroline," Bonnie says, knowing it's partially her fault and not knowing how to make it better. "I'm --"

Caroline waves the apology away. "Don't."

"But --" Bonnie tries again, but Caroline cuts her off.

"It's okay," she says. "Weren't we talking about you?"

Bonnie decides to let it go for now and makes a face. "Unfortunately."

Caroline hits her with a pillow. "You're not allowed to use that word," she says. "Now, what's the problem? You want to, right?"

"Yes," Bonnie says, nodding her head. "I do. I mean, I'm pretty sure I do."

"Do you just want more time? It's a big step, if you want the time you should take it."

"It's not that," Bonnie says. "At least I don't think that's it. I like Jeremy -- I _trust_ Jeremy."

"Then what is it?" Caroline asks. "I mean, you don't have to want to, Bonnie. You can wait as long as you want."

There's a long pause, and Bonnie just stares at Caroline, who she can see is trying so hard to help, even though she doesn't have the slightest idea what to say. And that's when Bonnie knows. She reaches out to give Caroline a hug and she can feel Caroline start against her, even as Bonnie's wrapping her arms around Caroline's neck. "I think," Bonnie says right into Caroline's ear, "I think I just needed to talk to a friend."

"Aww," Caroline says, squeezing Bonnie hard, too hard, making it impossible for her to breathe. "Bonnie!"

"Can't breathe," Bonnie manages to get out, even though she's gasping for air.

Caroline's hold loosens immediately. "Oops," she says sheepishly. "Sorry, I --"

Bonnie smiles against Caroline's hair. "It's fine," she says. "It's fine." And it is.

***

It's two days later and Bonnie's sitting at a table in the library frowning at her pre-calc book when Jeremy finds her.

"Hey," he says, sliding into the chair next to her. "I missed you at lunch."

She gives him an apologetic smile and then looks back down at her hopelessly messy notebook. "Sorry, but this," she waves at the books in front of her, "meant that I didn't have time. I hate Mr. Wilkinson." Jeremy laughs and she kicks him under the table. "Not funny."

"It's a little bit funny," he says, grinning at her and tugging lightly on her hair. "Admit it."

"We'll see how funny you think it is when I have to spend all weekend studying because I'm going to fail my midterm," she warns.

Jeremy snorts. "Now that is funny. You don't fail classes."

"There's a first time for everything," she says with a sigh, closing her book. She turns to look at him, leaning an elbow on the table and propping her head up in her hand. "So did you come in here looking for me?"

"I'd like to say yes," he says, giving her the half smile that she likes so much, "but I came to find a book for the paper Ric assigned my class."

"Did you find it?"

Jeremy nods.

"Good," Bonnie says, pushing her chair back and standing. She holds out a hand. "Walk me to my doom?"

"How did I never know you had this melodramatic side?" he asks, standing up and taking her hand. They head out the doors of the library and out into the hall, falling into step with the crowd. "I kinda like it."

She makes a face at him. "I do not have a melodramatic side."

"What would you call it?" he asks, making a face right back.

"Being a good student," she says loftily. "Some of us worry about these things."

"Uh huh," Jeremy says, coming to a stop outside her class. "You keep telling yourself that."

"I will, thanks." She leans up to give him a quick kiss goodbye. "I'll see you after school?"

He nods and she gives him a final smile before heading into the classroom. She slides into her seat and the bell rings. Mr. Wilkinson starts to lecture about sine and cosine and tangents, and Bonnie tries to listen, really she does. But somehow, no matter how hard she tries to concentrate, her thoughts keep drifting back to Jeremy.

To Jeremy and sex.

Talking with Caroline helped. Bonnie's sure now that she's ready to say yes -- she just doesn't know how to. It's a cliché, sure, but she's always wanted her first time to be, well, special. Just letting one thing lead to another doesn't seem very special.

"Ms. Bennett?"

Bonnie blinks to attention. Mr. Wilkinson is staring at her expectantly and Bonnie has no idea what he's just asked her.

"Could you repeat the question?" she says weakly, trying not to sink under her desk in embarrassment.

Mr. Wilkinson sighs. "Try to pay more attention, okay, Bonnie?"

She nods and he shifts his attention to Brian Spencer. "Mr. Spencer? Do you happen to know the answer to my question?"

Bonnie straightens up and makes herself pay attention for the rest of the class period. Sex can wait. Unfortunately, pre-calculus can't.

***

Jeremy's waiting for her at her locker after the final bell rings and she smiles at him as she approaches. "What, did you skip out of Spanish early or something?" she asks, spinning the dial on her lock. "How did you beat me?"

"Sub," he says, eying the amount of books she's cramming into her bag warily. "You going to come up for air at some point this weekend?"

She looks sideways at him, eyebrow raised. "Why? Big plans?"

"Well," he drawls, stretching the word out, "now that you mention it..."

Bonnie laughs and closes her locker. "Were you planning on telling me about them?"

"Who said you're a part of them?" he counters, dodging the elbow she throws at him as they start down the hall together. "You know for someone that says they don't believe in violence, you sure do use a lot of it."

"Ha ha," she says, rolling her eyes at him. "You're so funny, how did I miss that all these years?"

He grins at her and takes her hand, lacing their fingers together. "I don't know, how did you?"

She rolls her eyes at him again and they head out into the parking lot. When they get to Bonnie's Prius, she lets go of Jeremy's hand and starts digging through her bag for her keys. He leans against the hood and watches, and it's so familiar a routine that it seems like they've been doing this forever when it's really only been a couple of months. She shakes off that thought and gives a sigh of relief when her hand finally closes on the fuzzy keychain that Caroline gave her for her birthday last year. She pulls them out and Jeremy straightens up, caging her in against the driver's side door.

"Are you coming over later?" he asks, leaning down so that he's just a hairsbreadth away from kissing her.

She closes the gap and kisses him in lieu of an answer. She feels him smile against her lips as his arms close around her, pulling her to him so that there are no empty spaces between them. She goes willingly, letting herself get lost in what he can make her feel so easily.

"Get a room," Elena's voice says from somewhere behind them, and Jeremy pulls away with a sigh.

"Go away," he orders his sister.

Elena just laughs at him. "Bonnie, hey."

"Hey, Elena," Bonnie says, turning around to face her friend. She nods at Stefan, who's standing quietly at Elena's side. "Stefan."

"Did you guys want to have dinner tonight? Or go to a a movie?" Elena asks. "We thought we'd celebrate not having anyone trying to kill me this week by going on a normal date."

"You want me to double date with my sister?" Jeremy asks. "No offense, Elena, but pass."

"I wasn't asking you," Elena retorts, making a face at him. "I was asking Bonnie."

Bonnie sneaks a look at Jeremy's face and considers. No matter what he's saying, he doesn't look that horrified by the idea. And she would kind of like to spend some time with Elena. "Ah, sure," she says. "Just dinner, though, okay?" she rushes to add. "We, uh, have plans later." They don't, not really, but they could. Maybe.

Jeremy looks at her with surprise. "We do?"

She gives him a sharp look.

"I guess we do." He shifts his focus back to Elena. "Where did you want to eat?"

Elena shrugs. "The Grill? I don't really care."

"Sure," Bonnie says. "That sounds good. Seven?"

"See you then," Elena says, starting to drag Stefan away. "And I wasn't kidding about the room!"

Jeremy laughs, watching them walk away before looking down at Bonnie in confusion. "What plans do we have?"

She shifts a little, uncomfortably. She might be ready to say yes, but that doesn't mean she wants to talk about it in the parking lot at school. "We don't," she says. "I just didn't want to spend the whole night with them, did you?" It's the truth, even if it's not all of it.

He shakes his head. "Definitely no. Alright, well, do you want me to pick you up before dinner?"

"Sure," she nods and stretches up to give him a kiss. "See you then."

He kisses her once more and gives her a final grin before walking away. She lets herself watch for just a second and then slips behind the wheel to head home.

***

When they get to the Grill, Elena and Stefan are already there, waiting at a table. Elena waves them over and Bonnie follows Jeremy across the restaurant to join them. "Hey guys," Elena says, with a bright smile. "I'm glad you came."

"I wasn't aware that I had a choice in the matter," Jeremy retorts, sliding into the booth. He nods to Stefan. "Stefan."

"Jeremy," Stefan returns, with a nod of his own head.

Bonnie rolls her eyes at both of them and slips out of her coat, before sliding in next to Jeremy.

"Bonnie!'" Elena exclaims. "You look so pretty."

Bonnie can feel the back of her neck get hot. "Um, thanks," she says, grabbing the glass of water that's in front of her and taking a quick drink. "How are the two of you?"

She wants Elena to let it drop, but Elena turns to Jeremy and demands, "Did you tell Bonnie how pretty she looks?"

Bonnie can see Stefan hiding his smile behind his hand and she can feel Jeremy's eyes on her and she pretty much wants to sink under the table in mortification. She loves Elena, but right now, she could kill her.

"Bonnie always looks pretty," Jeremy says to his sister, putting his hand on Bonnie's knee and squeezing it.

"But did you --" Elena starts, before Stefan jams a menu into her hands.

"How about we decide what we're all going to order?" Stefan suggests, in that pleasant, even tone of his. "I think our waitress is glaring at us."

Bonnie gives Stefan a grateful smile and then buries her face in her menu. Jeremy scoots closer so that they can share, and bends down to whisper in her ear. "You do look really nice tonight," he says, his voice low. "I _should_ have told you that."

She turns her head just a little to smile at him, to let him know that it's okay and he grins back at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leans back against his arm and tries to concentrate on the menu. She has no idea what she wants. She's not even hungry, really, not with the butterflies that feel more like giant, hopping frogs doing the polka in her stomach. She didn't realize she'd be this nervous, not when she's not even sure that it's going to happen tonight.

"Well, I know what I want," Elena announces, setting the menu down. "How about you guys?"

"I'm all set," Jeremy says. "Bonnie?"

"No?" she says sheepishly. "I can't make up my mind."

"Well, you go last," Elena says, nodding her head at the approaching waitress. "It looks like she means business."

And sure enough, when the waitress arrives at the table, she just raises an expectant eyebrow and Elena starts talking immediately and Bonnie tunes it out, trying to make a snap decision. But it's too soon when her turn finally comes, and she chooses blindly, pointing at something almost at random. "Ah, the grilled cheese, please."

The menu is snatched out of her hands almost immediately and Bonnie's left blinking at her retreating back. Someone's obviously not in a good mood. It's almost a shame that she doesn't know any spells to help with that; if this isn't a time when it's totally called for, she's not a witch.

She hears Elena's voice saying her name and she snaps to attention. "What? I'm sorry. What?"

"What's with you tonight?" Elena asks, concern evident in her voice. "Is there --"

Bonnie shakes her head. "No, it's nothing bad. I'm just a little spacey. Long week."

Elena makes a face. "Tell me about it. Are you ready for Wilkinson's midterm?"

Jeremy groans. "Way to go, Elena," he accuses his sister. "I hope you're ready to hear all about how she's going to fail a test for the first time in her life."

"Hey," Bonnie says, elbowing him in the side. "I resent that."

"That doesn't make it less true," he says, squeezing her shoulder. "We've covered this: you don't fail tests."

"I hate to say this, but he has a point," Elena says. "I've never, in my life, seen you fail anything."

Bonnie frowns at both of them. "You guys make it sound like I'm some smug know-it-all or something."

"Anyone want to play pool?" Stefan interjects smoothly and that makes two Bonnie owes him tonight. Jeremy cannot resist the chance to play pool, ever. It's one of the first things Bonnie learned about him after they started dating.

"Bonnie?" Jeremy asks, looking at her hopefully.

"Go," she says, waving her hand at him.

He grins at her and gives her a quick kiss. "You're the best."

"I know," she says, leaning her elbows against the table and propping her head up in her hand. "I was just waiting for you to figure it out."

He opens his mouth to answer, but Stefan takes him by the shoulder and steers him towards the other side of the room. Bonnie watches them walk away with an indulgent look on her face.

"You really like him, don't you?"

Bonnie blinks and turns to face Elena, who's looking back at her with a very serious expression on her face. She swallows hard and nods. "Yeah. I do."

"Good," Elena says simply.

Bonnie blinks again. She was expecting something more than that. Something more along the lines of "break his heart and I'll break your face." She knows how fiercely protective Elena is of Jeremy -- of everyone she loves, really. "Good?"

Elena nods and the serious look falls away and a sly smile takes its place. "That doesn't mean I want to hear about how good -- or bad -- of a kisser he is. Or anything else."

"Elena!" Bonnie manages to get out in a strangled voice. "I wouldn't -- I --"

"I'm _teasing_ ," Elena says, reaching across the table to cover one one of Bonnie's hands with her own. "Relax." She frowns. "Although that would be really weird, so let's skip that, okay?"

"Agreed," Bonnie says, nodding her head fervently. Some things are just too weird to talk about.

Their waitress chooses that moment to reappear with their food and Stefan and Jeremy are hot on her heels. They all dig into their food and the rest of dinner passes in a blur of conversation about midterms and the fight that happened in the cafeteria last week and a hundred other meaningless things that have nothing to do with vampires or being a witch or sex. Just friends, food, conversation and being _normal_ for a change.

Bonnie didn't realize how much she needed that until she's hugging Elena goodnight. The nerves she's been feeling for weeks, the ones that have made her say no dozens of times, they're gone. She doesn't know how, she doesn't know why.

But she knows, without a single doubt, that this is going to be the night she says yes.

***

They go back to Bonnie's, because her father is out of town at a conference in D.C. and he never bothers to ask anyone to check up on Bonnie while he's gone. It used to make Bonnie sad that her dad couldn't be bothered to care that little, but right now, tonight, it's something she's grateful for.

Bonnie unlocks the door and Jeremy follows her into the house, closing the door behind them. She flips on the lights and drops her purse on the table just inside the door and watches silently as Jeremy kicks off his shoes. He starts down the hall toward the living room, but she catches his wrist as he passes by and he turns back to look at her with a quizzical look on his face.

"Upstairs," she says, and she sees the the flash of heat run across his face. She twines their fingers together and leads him up the stairs to her bedroom. He doesn't say anything, but she can feel him, solid and strong, just behind her. It's reassuring and exciting all at the same time.

When they're in her bedroom, she closes the door behind them, even though they're the only ones there. To leave it open would make her feel too exposed and she already feels exposed enough.

"Bonnie," Jeremy says, and she turns around to face him. "What's going --"

She doesn't let him finish, but kisses him instead. She tries to make him understand what she's not saying, pouring herself into the kiss, and he starts to let her, but then he's pulling back, shaking his head.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," he says in disbelief, "but Bonnie, what's up with you?" He's staring down at her with a mixture of surprise and worry and want on his face and it makes her heart beat just a little bit faster.

She steps closer to him again, reaching around behind him to pull his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. He lets her take it and flip it open, and she thumbs silently through the contents until she finds the condom that she was sure was there. She pulls it out and holds it up. His eyes go wide and she sees him swallow, hard.

"Really?" he asks, his voice just a little bit higher than normal. She tries not to smile. It's nice to know that he's nervous too.

She nods, her eyes firmly on his. "Really."

This time Jeremy's the one that kisses her. His lips are on her in an instant, and there's something different about this kiss than all the others they've shared. Maybe it's more intense, maybe it's surer, Bonnie doesn't know -- doesn't really care. Her arms slide around his waist, under his long-sleeved t-shirt, seeking the heat of his skin and she feels the shudder go through him when she touches him.

She grins and tugs the shirt up. She has power here too, she just needs to remember that.

He breaks the kiss and leans back just enough for him to raise his arms so she can help him pull the shirt up over his head. The minute it's gone he tries to drag her back against him, but Bonnie has other ideas. She pushes him in the direction of her bed instead and he falls back onto it, looking distinctly out of place against the frilly pillows and lace that her mother picked out years ago and that she's never had the heart to change. He holds out a hand for her and she takes it, crawling onto the bed and straddling his hips. His hands cup her face and she leans down to kiss him again.

It feels like the most right thing she's ever done.

She loses herself in it, in him, in them. She feels like she's moving through a dream, aware of everything and nothing all at the same time. He pulls off her sweater, and she unfastens his jeans. He never stops kissing her. His hands trace every inch of her skin, every curve of her body, making her feel things she's never felt before. This time, when his hands reach for the button on her jeans, she doesn't stop him.

She never stops him.

***

After, when they're curled up together, skin to skin, under her sheets, he asks her a question. "Why now?"

She looks up from where her head is resting on his chest, so that she can see his face. He's staring back at her with something close to awe on his face and she reaches out to trace his jaw with her fingertips.

"Bonnie?"

She shrugs her shoulders and curls up against him once more. "It was right," she says, taking his hand and tangling their fingers together.

He doesn't ask any more questions, just strokes his hand over her shoulder.

She smiles against his chest. This is right, too.


End file.
